Ser todo e aos pedaços. Pedaços que ficam sem traço, e que existem sem embaraço.

This diary documents our (Nuno Sousa & Sofia Aires) creative and collaborative process in an artistic residency in the Ectopia lab, where we worked together for just over a week. It captures our experiences, challenges, and accomplishments, providing insights into our artistic journey and the collaborative environment of the residency.

Our process is described day by day, separated by colours, in order to encapsulate our individual voices, as well as making them One.

This journey began with the desire to dive into the idea of ruins and identity, represented by the creation of tiles/ bricks with sporadic nuclei of hair. From ideas of structures on the floor, our version of ruins found its ideal material – wax – where the notion of a wall/barrier is reinforced by the aesthetic aversion that hair carries.

Forget to Protect – Forgetting as a defence mechanism.

Following some at-home tests in preparation for the residency, a meeting was held to establish a conceptual state of affairs, review the issues raised, and consider potential solutions for balancing the theoretical and practical components.
Pencil in hand, paper on the table and an anxiety ridden heart. Concepts, ideas, and implementation approaches are scattered across the tables (drawing images). The initial plaster tests will begin the following day.
Today we took some photos of the texture of hair on a glass.

Today we discussed our creative processes, in a way to find a middle ground and a game plan that would shape our residency. While having lunch at a nearby restaurant, this plan was drawn on the paper that protected our table, and therefore, a part of it was left behind, and in a way creating an odd collection of words and drawings at the table for the waiter to find and to try to decipher. The main concept stayed the same – to explore the absence of memory as a defense mechanism, while evoking the idea of an incomplete identity, like a ruin of a wall that transcends a past that no longer is obvious as an uncertain future.

Chaos ensues, clay, plaster and shards everywhere. The meticulous approach of the conceptual strategy couldn’t be more different from the way the experiment and tests were developed.
Specifically, several molds with negative space have been created to hold plaster. Many of the molds contain shards and clay shapes. Once dry, hair will be glued into the clay’s negative space, and shards will be exposed by forcibly removing the plaster.

Plaster, glass, porcelain, etc. The fragments came to life with past studies and with new ones, where the goal was to try to comprehend what materials better suited our thought process, as well as to explore new narratives. 
Chaos began, and we do love chaos. From plaster not working correctly to creating a plaster inspired soup – handling with unexpected things took the pressure of trying to find a creative solution for the project. Letting go slowly of the main focus helped seeing the materials for what they are, and here hair was the material that we both agreed on as necessary for the new version of the concept already decided.

Why hair? – It has always fascinated me. From Hercules and its relation between hair and life, to growing up and seeing the role of hair in the idea of traditional beauty; Cutting it and redefining my own image and understanding that the hair on my head represents a crown of sorts, that without it my identity gains a distorted complexion. 
A micro part of all of our daily routines is losing naturally a bit of this odd crown, a bit of ourselves, like snakes that shed and leave a physical representation of the past behind. Then, a fragment becomes a fragile thin piece of hair. A tiny thing that builds an identity piece by piece.

Shaken by the technical difficulties imposed by the material we thought was plaster, we reflected on the direction of our experiments with the material. The questioning of what we would do differently with plaster, and the contentment with one of the pieces we had already created. This thought, tinted by the emotion of the moment, led us to take two steps back and question our direction.

Wandering around the nearest bazaar, the idea of taking advantage of the vast quantity of candles and using wax as a material came up by chance. Partly because there was little else that suggested it could be used and also because we were curious enough to take on the work of wax as a challenge.

Plaster soup is still a reality, shit. Hair and plaster was the end goal, but while walking to shake the irritation of our bodies, we ended up in the shop where we always buy our materials. Nuno had the best idea of experimenting with wax, since it’s a material that takes minutes to dry (unlike the damn plaster we bought), what makes it ideal to explore and create small studies of what we wanted to do with the “plaster”. 

I took the wax tests made the previous evening out of the molds. This entire process was fascinating; I was surprised by the thickness and firmness of these objects, as well as the resistance they offered when removed from the mold.
The need arose to spend a few hours assisting the installation team in setting up an exhibition. Thus, the day allowed for deliberation on the residency course, away from the temptations of experimentation susceptible to tangents, and focusing on the quick planning of the next experiments with this new material, in order to better understand its potential.

Break day, exposition day. The day where my sickness turned from adorable sneezes to a need for bottomless rest.

A new day, a lost morning but hopefully a productive afternoon. This residency and the process of experimentation described here were considerably clouded by the flu and associated symptoms that were hovering in that environment.
The aspect of what became imposing, but not necessarily negative, implied a different effort, as well as a determination to focus on the moments when we could be most productive
After the coldness of the plaster and the impostor (impostor here refers to the bag of mortar that was bought when we thought it was plaster), the wax captivated me with its malleability.

Realising that the mistakes and runs of the liquid wax could be reused without any difficulty made the speed and scope of the experiments increase. As I manipulated the wax in its various states, the intense smell of burning candles transported me to the Catholic environments of my childhood, and with the pungent odour of the space in Fatima where wax promises are made en masse.

Productive afternoon after a sleepy and a very sick morning. Wax was elected THE material to work with. The panels we wanted with plaster worked a lot better with wax, and the color we chose gave them an appearance of skin. Wax and hair, what a disgusting duo that made us gag occasionally while making small studies. Perfect.

I am not feeling well, and I have been experimenting with wax.

Trying to be useful, but the cold took me out. Nuno is alone and i’m dreaming with making wax bricks in a way to evoke the ruin we always talk about.

I was alone, the echoes of space kept me company. Between feverish moments spent on the sofa bed and sporadic moments of productive energy. I continued making the wax panels I’d started the day before, with the expectation that they would culminate in a possible parallelepiped/wax brick.

This process took up a large part of my day.
I made structures with broken wax panels and consolidated them with liquid wax.

Cold you did again, Nuno is alone and I’m incredibly sick.

My body feels heavier now. The bed, the cold, and the fatigue are bringing me down.
I believe the solution we have in hand will be a successful one.

I’m still not sure if I think this because I’m really happy with the project and the culmination of so much work and discussion, or because I accept the residence’s approaching ending date.

Today, I’ll assemble a brick from the panels I made yesterday, adding shards of wax on top and something inside.
We found our stride, and it was slightly different from our initial concept, but it was only natural for an exploration-based residency.

Considerably late, in bed, feverish from the flu, I wrote to Sofia for support during a period of existential self-doubt, and somehow her response gave me peace.

“For me, the wall becomes here almost like a skin, like a snake that comes out but doesn’t go away. Almost like a part of “me” that insists on remaining even though it no longer has a place in my body, like memories that inhabit my mind.
I like the idea of these pieces being part of a whole that represents a body in transformation that lets go of what no longer interests it, but pieces that still have the power to generate “life” just by being pieces. That is, despite being broken, they are so strong, like strong memories that persist, to the point where they almost have a life of their own, where hair is born and almost takes root” – Sofia

Wax panels with negative spaces for hair, incredibly disgusting and in a way beautiful. Building wax bricks helped to explore outside the panels, which I adored. The studies gained something more when they left the horizontal plain, now, with a three dimensional way of occupying the space I finally have hope.

Tired, waiting for Sofia to do some experiments. Today must be the last day;… everything seems to be in place

Bricks are no longer on the table. While making wax panels we saw that we could create straight organic shapes while the wax was still warm. These panels took a turn, and instead of having an impersonal shape, we adored our bodies with them, letting them dry on our arms and legs in a way to shape the wax. This resulted in something three dimensional and organic, as well as personal, which in my opinion was missing. The panels were then stuffed in their cracks with hair – mine and nuno’s – giving a piece of both of our identity by shape and by parts of us.

Final tidying and preparation of the studio for photographing the pieces.
Parts from the exhibition that had previously occurred in the space served as useful elements when photographing images of the pieces.

The residency has come to an end.

Nuno’s photoshot, Sofia’s back to work.